Gayest Post In A While

"What's being gay like?"

I love the Flanders and Swann parody from The Armstrong and Miller Show. This particular sketch closed the final episode of Series Two with lots of sparkle! I love these guys. I love how Armstrong rolls forward in the wheelchair while singing "who does what to whom." Genius.

I get asked lots of questions about homosexuality. It doesn't really bother me, but I think people think it's drastically different from being straight with different rules. Yes, it's different, but it's also the same. I think everyone has their own unique sexuality, and "gay" and "straight" are a little too black-and-white. Very few people are exclusively hetero or homosexual, and even if they are their sexuality will be much more complicated. Some people are madly horny, some people are asexual, some people only fancy people occasionally, some people fancy people but hate the idea of having sex, some people are sex-obsessed but hate the idea of emotional intimacy. Everyone is different.

I thought I'd share some of my own personal experiences here, not to sound like a narcissistic loser, but because personal experience is all I can really go on to explore the topic. It really interests me as a topic, and I love hearing about other people's experiences.

One of the questions I get asked a lot is, "What would you do if you fancied a guy?" This always strikes me as a little odd, almost as if the "right answer" is to seize the opportunity to be straight if it came my way. I was talking to one of my friends about this, and she pointed out that people ask the question because heterosexuality is the accepted norm so most straight people would suppress a gay desire if they got one, whereas it might not be the same the other way round. My answer to the question, however, is that I think I probably wouldn't go along with a straight crush unless it was so strong that I would never forgive myself. So if I fell madly in love with a guy, I'd willingly fall into his arms (such a bizarre thought!). However, as this is unlikely to happen, this is all hypothetical. If I got a slight crush on a guy, I'd probably ignore it because my whole identity, my world-view and my aspirations are all based around the idea that I want to spend my life with another woman: it's like my purpose. I would worry that my overwhelmingly gay sexuality would never forgive me if I denied myself that purpose. Would I spend my whole life feeling incomplete, like I’d sacrificed my whole sexuality?

Maybe this is wrong, maybe I should be open to sexual experiences outside of my cutesy little lesbian world. It makes for interesting debate!

Also, people ask me what it's like having to come out (because "certain folks' intolerance puts a spanner in the works!"). Answer: easy to some people, hard to others. I'm totally open with my peer group. Our generation is so much more accepting. However, I've not told my friends who live in other countries because I have no idea how they view homosexuality. Telling your parents is the hardest thing in the world, and fortunately I was spared that horrible inevitability thanks to a good deal of alcohol and a friend who can't keep his mouth shut! I don't really talk about it with my parents, although occasionally they will make a lame joke about it. I'm ironically a bit like a 1950s housewife, bustling around the kitchen in my polka-dot clothes making tea and cakes, and Dad always makes sarcastic comments about what a good wife I'll be.

My extended family don't know yet, but I don't see why they should because you don't generally discuss your straight sexuality with your grandparents (weird!), so why should I discuss my homosexual one? Coming out is an annoying process, and it has to be done, and sometimes people will make nasty comments or hate you for it when they don't even know you. But it does get easier every time you do it. The first time I ever told anyone was excruciatingly difficult, and I don't think twice about it now. It makes you stronger.

And as to what being gay's actually like: you fancy people, you fall in love, you get hurt, you have fun, you stare at hot people in the street, you set attractive people as your computer backdrop, you have celebrity crushes, you dream about getting married... It's just like being straight.

xxx

p.s. Speaking of celebrity crushes... yumyumyumyumyumyumyumyumyum