Guys Suffer Too

One of the misconceptions about feminism that really pisses me off is the commonly heard "Feminists are man-haters and they want to prove that women are superior to men." Feminists who hold that view are increasingly rare, and are usually stuck in some eccentric 70s time-warp and need to get out more. Modern feminism is about empowering women and making sure that we get the education ,confidence and positivity we need to be able to make real choices in the modern world. It's not backward-looking, it's not anything scary (although it can, and does, kick ass), and it certainly does not exclude men.

Men are a central part of my personal feminist philosophy. When reading or writing about feminism, they're always in my thoughts. And I don't mean thinking about them as chauvinists or bigots, and I don't mean thinking about them in terms of my desires-- I'm far too gay for that! The reason I think about guys a lot is because I see the terrible effects tha the all-too-often failings of feminism itself, and the wider fucked-up-ness of our society's attitude to women, have had on our young men.

Guys are confused. And it's no wonder. My favourite pet-hate, that I go on and on about on this blog, is one that particularly screws up the guys as well as the girls. I speak, of course, of the Sexy/Pure Double-Standard. This is one that's particularly close to Jessica Valenti's heart and which she has written about at some length. Girls are expected to be sexy and attractive, expected to have beautiful bodies, expected to get guys. At the same time, girls are expected to be pure, virginal, chaste and innocent. My friend and I were having a conversation today, and she was telling me about how she had observed an attack on a female Facebook friend's status by a bunch of teenage boys, who were calling her "slag," "whore" and other equally charming terms of address. We observed that it's ridiculous how guys complain if they are unable to pull, but if a girl is "up for it," she is immediately no more than her willingness to fuck. For me, part of feminism is about promoting sex positive women, and sex positive young men, and a general understanding that sex is a significant part of our lives but it does not define our self worth.

Another thing that probably confuses the guys is another double-standard: girls are expected to be submissive and meek, yet they are also expected to "have everything" and be powerful. Guys, who are pressurised into watching porn from a young age (and, to be fair, they gain satisfaction from it: but that's not the point!), have this image of women who exist to satisfy male sexual needs and who represent female submission. On the other hand, you only have to turn on the News to see powerful and influential women in international affairs and the media. Women in the public eye get a lot more criticism than their male counterparts, and quite frankly there is a hell of a lot of misogyny flying around. A lot of guys I've met seem to be intimidated by a woman with opinions. And is it any wonder? A man isn't sure what a woman is supposed to be anymore.

I don't know whether there's any truth in it, but I've always thought that guys probably find feminism and strong women so rattling because, given that women bear children and have traditionally not done "male" jobs, it could be perceived to render men inferior if women are equal to them in jobs, because guys cannot bear children. In a technological world where physical strength is becoming less and less important, women can do it all. But that does NOT make men inferior, does not make them useless, and does not mean that they are not totally wonderful, just like women. Humans are humans, and we're all worth something, and we all deserve to put aside our differences. Sort out misogyny and the double-standards surrounding women, and you get happier guys and happier girls. Win-win.

Sorry to ramble... I feel very strongly about this!

With Love, J xxx

Teenage Pregnancy and Bristol Palin

Now and again a story will appear on Feministing.com that touches a nerve, and this is the latest one:

Bristol Palin: Don't Get Pregnant Unless You're Privileged

When I watched the clip, I found myself in complete agreement with Jos, who created the post, and her description of the whole thing as "generally creepy."

Firstly, aside from all feminist issues, this is extremely classist. Right, everyone, wait till you're a politician's rich daughter before you get pregnant! Nothing else could possibly do your baby any good... What's that? You're poor? Sorry, poor mothers are incapable. Forget it.

I'm not denying that, purely on a practical level, waiting until you can provide your baby with the best chance in life is the best policy. Getting educated, setting up a secure home and having a bit of life experience first is definitely a good idea. Children from poor families do, indeed, have a worst start in life than their wealthier counterparts. But who the hell is Candie's Foundation to give out the message that being privileged makes you a better mother than someone in less fortunate circumstances? This is just classist, through and through.

Secondly, why on Earth is Bristol Palin preaching abstinence? Clearly, the issue here is that she got pregnant, and doesn't actually seem to be doing too badly, given that she is supported and loved by her "famous family." Why are we confusing pregnancy with sex here?

When browsing the Candie's Foundation website, I came across a very irritating video that sees Jenny McCarthy forcing a screaming baby on a teenage girl who is just about to have sex in a car. Apart from the obvious fact that making out in a car does not equal baby in the arms (haha, quite laughable when you think about it), I think the message "Don't have sex because you could get pregnant" is extreme and misleading. I really don't understand why abstinence is somehow better for young people than being taught about good contraception and how to have fun without getting pregnant.

I'm not advocating sleeping around here, and I recognise that accidents happen, but I really don't see why a girl of Bristol Palin's age who wants to have sex sensibly should not do so.

When I did a bit more research into Candie's Foundation, I discovered they sell these hideous t-shirts. I was still unsure whether or not to write a blog-post on this topic until I discovered this link, and then I didn't have any doubt. This illustrates my pet-hate as a feminist: The sexy-pure double-standard. Eew.

As I keep preaching to my classmates--much to their irritation!--society tells us girls that we have to be sexy at the same time as being chaste. This hideous t-shirt design reinforces this double-standard in the most obvious and ridiculous way I have ever seen. I can't believe that girls feel comfortable wearing this. It's disgusting.

So, coming back to Bristol Palin... I'm not impressed. I hope lots of other girls aren't impressed too. If we want to reduce teenage pregnancy, we shouldn't be using it as an excuse to push abstinence, classism and double-standards.

J xxx

DIY Botox

Hello Internet,

Yesterday I was having a conversation with the good old 'rents about an article that was apparently on the television concerning so-called "Do-it-yourself Botox."

This is, according to Dad, a method by which you can personally inject your face with a syringe that can be ordered online and sent directly to your door.

What the hell has the world come to?! Women are actually injecting themselves in the face?! This is complete lunacy! I am so angry that these things have not been banned, it's completely disgusting!

(OK, end of rant, I will now resume my more subdued writing style...)

I have three significant objections to the concept of DIY Botox.

1) Older women are feeling increasingly pressurised to remain young. This implies that being old, having wrinkles and showing maturity is a bad thing. Beauty products offering the illusion of youth are worrying enough as it is, without the addition of Botox for home-use. Personally, I think older women can look stunning. As with younger women, there are those who are especially beautiful. I really think it's time people changed their perceptions so that there is no such thing as being "past-it." Humph.

2) This is extremely dangerous. Botox freezes your face, so imagine if you were to overdose on it! Syringes in general aren't the safest of things. I think injecting yourself with this stuff is as bad as injecting yourself with drugs. Your mind will be twisted in a similar way, and you will become completely self-obsessed and feel delusional about your wrinkles.

3) The wider availability of such treatments as Botox potentially opens up the market for other DIY products. What will it be next? The beauty industry is so destructive now. There was once a time where everyday beauty was about impeccable make-up and walking with good posture, which were more than achievable for your average girl-next-door. Today everyone wants to look like a Hollywood star, and Hollywood stars are generally skeletal, Botoxed creatures of doom. If Botox starts becoming a casual treatment, like having a manicure, then it becomes acceptable, and if it becomes acceptable it becomes increasingly difficult to challenge. That frightens me.

I hope I'm not the only one who finds the whole concept hideous!

J
xxx