Ramble

I'm confused.

Life is very confusing in general, but today especially so.

I guess this is unsurprising. I've recently returned from the trip of a lifetime in India, and have seen sights that have challenged my perspective and broadened my horizons. Now I'm home, I sit inside listening to music or lying in bed, wallowing, and letting my brain slowly process what I've seen. Although I'm not using my 'loaf' to its full capacity (not that it's a particularly intellectual one anyway!!!), it is definitely whirring away behind the scenes. And I don't know what to do with myself.

I miss school, but I feel like I still need a holiday. I want to see my friends, but after two weeks of human company I want to be alone. I'm hungry, yet I don't want to eat. I'm exhausted, but too much sleep could make it worse. I want a bath, but I don't want to get out of my clothes. I just don't know what I want, what I need, what I should be doing.

The boredom is all-pervading. It's like some kind of illness, that settles over every muscle and seeps into the eyes. It brings with it a dead tiredness that refuses to go away, even with the optimum number of hours shut-eye. It's the anti-climax. It's the sudden stop.

And the confusion! It's as if I am standing in front of a clouded mirror the whole time, in this heightened state of boredom. The reflection in the mirror is visible, but only just. Identity becomes unidentified. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want. I need the mirror to clear again. I think India has triggered the confusion, and post-India has nurtured it.

I set up this blog to try and write about issues that are important to me (essentially, to moan about the government and the flaws in our ever-worrying society). I also set up the blog to write about opinions on cultural events, or things that have been going on in my life that might make for vaguely-interesting reading material. And now, embarrassingly, I find myself writing in a horribly juvenile way about my pathetic teenage angst... Oh, and did I also mention, that I'm confused about a person that I might or might not be attracted to?

SHIT. I will probably delete this post in the future. I haven't got a clue why I'm doing this.

Still, there is room for happiness: my Beatles records never fail to put a smile on my face!!! And I will be going to sleep today. Yee-har.

Love
xxxx