The Internet

My internet connection has been down for five days, and it's been an absolute pain in the proverbial arse. Not only have I had almost no communication with the outside world (because the landline was down too and my rubbish £10 phone still works on a 10p-per-text credit system), but I have had no way of researching things, which I completely take for granted. No Wikipedia. No YouTube. No iPlayer. No matter how romantic my ideas are about "the good old days," and no matter how much I complain about technology, I am very dependent on the internet. I love it.

However, five days without the internet is, in the great scheme of things, not a great deal of time. After all, our parents' generation grew up without internet access, and millions of people across the world still don't have access to it. Interestingly, the BBC posted an article back in March in which it was claimed that the majority of people believe that internet access is a universal human right. This really interests me, because internet can surely be perceived as a luxury. I'm dependent on it, because I use it for the entertainment, communication and research that I enjoy. But if I didn't have the internet, and the right to use the internet, I'd still live. I'd still have a roof over my head, and I'd still think I had full human rights.

Yet, when people have the internet, they get informed. With the net, messages spread quickly, video footage gets spread, people become educated. While there are negative consequences of this--such as the spread of terrorism and extreme ideology--the internet is a great way of informing and connecting people all around the world, and makes it harder for governments to control the ideas of the people. Of course, China censors the internet to a shocking degree, but in general the internet opens minds. Does its impact make it a human right?

Interesting questions.

Aaah... it's great to have the net back though! It's lovely to sit down with a cup of tea and type away. :)

J xxx

Birdcages, Brain Cells and Summer

1) Argentina have legalised gay marriage! This is very good news for gay people in Argentina and across the world. However, it draws attention to the lack of gay marriage around the world and the massive inequalities that remain between gay and straight people. Please will everyone else hurry up and legalise what is, I believe, a human right?

2) For a while now, I've wanted a vintage birdcage to add to the general eccentricity of my bedroom. Finally, my wish has been granted! I'm so pleased with it. It's really big and just the right colour. I have no idea what I'm going to put in it, if anything. I shall hang it from my ceiling tomorrow! In the pic Lancelot is captive, but don't worry: it was a modelling job and he has now been released.

3) My childhood interest in the Titanic has had a bit of a resurgence. I know it's not massively historically relevant, but it's so interesting. There are so many myths and curses surrounding it, and there are lots of lessons that can be learned from it. I'm going to watch the film again with my family tonight. It's cliched and it's soppy but it's still the best film we have of the disaster, and Rose was my first ever crush back in 1999... so time to crack out the dark chocolate and the gin!

4) Mission for the next few days: grow some brain cells. I've spent the last two weeks drinking too much, and I feel like my head is mushed. It would help if I could stop drinking... I've already had two gins tonight and it's only a night in. But yes, I intend to get out the books and try and toughen up my brain again. I already smell failure (and booze). Wish me luck.

5) I can't believe I've finished school. The years at King's have been amazing and I am blessed with the most incredible friends and memories. Like Terra mentioned on her blog, I feel there is a huge gap in my life that I need to fill. I really want to have lots of fun this summer, but I'm really worried something is going to go wrong... Also, my straight friends seem to be having increasing success in pulling and I feel like I'm getting desperate. Still, I'm optimistic and I'm looking forward to going away to exotic old Shropshire with Ellie, Rome with Rach and of course Greenbelt with the pair of them.

6) I'll stop rambling now.

Love J

xxx

Oscillation

I have just returned from sunny Devon, having spent just under a week relaxing with my wonderful friends. There has been much hilarity and I wish I was still there.

The day before I set off for Devon, I wrote this poem in the dead time between breakfast and the school run, before my final paper. I think my brain was active, because of the impending exam, but completely unwilling to cram any factual information... so this was the result.

Oscillation

I am suspended in the dream called history,

Locked in the quantum cell between

Orphaned past and

Infinite future.

I am in the now,

The non-existent space around which the

Dimensions pivot

And I am trapped.

The hands of the clock are the sails of my boat

And I am lost at sea.

You and I are tip-toeing on reality together,

Exploring even as we lose the seconds

To the invisible reaper called Time.

We are never present but we are here,

Balancing all our illusions on our heads

Like water jugs, and clinging to the promise

Of tangible tomorrows.

J xxx

Bits and Bobs

Hello internet,

I don't have any ideas for a big post today, but I present to you some of the things I have been thinking about this week:

1) Victimisation of Old People

I find that I'm quite hardened to the news these days. However, one thing that is guaranteed to upset and anger me is the victimisation of old people, and I'm not sure why it gets to me more than other atrocities. Perhaps it's because old people are not innocent; they've lived and they've seen the whole breadth of human experience, they've gone through the hard slog of life, and now they are vulnerable and frail. There's something really horrendous about how someone can so easily destroy the dignity that an elderly person has spent their whole lives earning.

I remember watching footage on BBC News of an elderly cancer patient opening his door to a group of youths who then murdered him... it just breaks my heart, because old people have no choice but to trust other people and it's so sickening how people abuse that trust.

The most recent article in the news describes how a 94-year-old woman in Surrey was conned out of more than £176,000 by rogue traders.

Heartbreaking stuff.

2) Lesbian Health

It's not just old people who get a hard time in our society. Minority groups are engaged in a constant struggle against prejudice, and gay women are no exception. In our "tolerant" modern society, gay people are less likely to be ostracised or attacked for their sexuality, but there is still a worrying discrepancy in the physical and mental health of straight women and lesbians. I came across a report at Stonewall entitled Prescription for Change, published in 2008, which investigated statistics about lesbian health. Some of the more alarming statistics showed that:

• One in five lesbian women had deliberately harmed themselves in the last year, compared to 0.4% of the general population. That's really messed-up.
• One in five lesbians said they had an eating disorder, compared to one in twenty of the general population.
• Lesbians are five times more likely to have taken drugs.

There were also worrying findings about the way that gay women are treated by health professionals.

If our society gave out the right messages to young women, perhaps gay women (and queer people in general) wouldn't be any more unhealthy than straight people! Tsssk.

3) The Victoria and Albert Museum

Yesterday I had the pleasure of an afternoon at the V&A in South Kensington. Visiting the London museums is an accessible way to get cultured, because entry to the museums is free. Because I'm a reasonably arty sort of person, the V&A is my favourite London museum.

It is the world's largest museum of decorative arts and design, holding over 4.5 million objects from a 5000 year period. It's not merely an art gallery: it's bursting with photography, architecture, fashion, jewellery, sculpture, furniture and weaponry.

The building itself is marvellous, with a beautiful interior and exterior. Yesterday I enjoyed sitting in the John Madejski garden, which is enclosed by imposing and ornate walls and contains a large modern fountain; the perfect location for relaxing with an ice-cream .

The collections are definitely worth seeing. Being the retro-fashion-obsessive that I am, I made a beeline for the fashion collection, hoping to catch a glimpse of a 1950s dress or a Victorian corset. I was not disappointed, and I marvelled at some of the dresses, particularly the ones worn by pre-20th century women. The V&A is currently hosting an exhibition of Grace Kelly's dresses, and while I unfortunately could not get tickets to see this display, I did enjoy viewing this dress outside of the exhibit.

I took great pleasure, too, in the Theatre and Performance collection. There was enough dramatic memorabilia in there to keep me more than happy, from an original manuscript of The School for Scandal (my A-Level text!) to the first folio of Shakespeare's work. The highlight of the collection was Adam Ant's costume from Prince Charming, which delighted me because I am in love with his distinctive twist on the New Romantic style.

And of course, like any good tourist attraction, the museum has a great giftshop.

There are all sorts of curiosities in the V&A. I could write about it all day!

J xxx

Onwards

Having recently turned eighteen, I really wanted to write a poem about growing up and the difference between "then" and "now." Obviously a project like this is full of potential clichés -- it's a cliché in itself -- but I still wanted it to be heartfelt, and I hope it comes across that way even if the poetry itself is terrible.

A few notes on the composition of the poem:

• All of the quotes are from Patrick Wolf's album The Bachelor, which, like much of Patrick's music, contains the running themes of maturing, ageing and life as a journey and a battle.
• Section "Cc" is taken from a much longer poem I wrote, called Shadow Girl, which is basically about pathetic teenage angst and sexual frustration! I copied the bits which I thought made sense without the rest of the poem because I think I couldn't write a poem about growing up without this aspect of youth; and I couldn't be bothered to write an original new section.

Please try not to judge the poetry, it's more the ideas that I'm trying to express.

Cringe! J xxx

Onwards

“When all else fails

Remember

Always

The Open Road.”

Aa

“What keeps you? Explore!”

Funny, how my exploration was restricted

To the playground and yet I was

Never constrained.

In my lack of freedom I was free.

My body was decorated, almost tattooed

With grazes and bruises and splitting skin.

The girl with blonde hair

Bore the purpling bites of my milk teeth.

Supposedly I was, and am, a blank

Canvas with infinite possibilities

Yet conscience killed innocence

And paint can only hide the stains.

Strange, how there were more wounds

In those days but more soreness now.

There’s greater depth today yet

Less immersion in the abyss of the soul.

Bb

“You are not the maker nor the master of me.”

I roll the dice and move forward,

Clutching at my pride as I leap.

Occasionally I stumble across a ladder

And I ascend.

Even in nightmares I never expected

The snakes to come.

I try not to slide but I have no grip,

And I shield my eyes through the fall.

Still I walk tall through the maze,

Negotiating the twists and turns

As the dice goes on rolling

And the world keeps on turning.

Cc

“I don’t fear what tomorrow may take

Stay blind to my future and fate.”

Growing pains,

Shrinking pleasures?

From beneath the layers of my eclectic thoughts

You watch me take steps on my egg-shells,

Already fragmented dreams cracking anew.

I’m stumbling without you yet you’re ever-present,

Regarding my clumsiness with your dream-eyes.

I’m trying to conjure emotion from your non-existence.

“Come to me more, even come to me at all…”

My words echo in their own cold emptiness and

Deep within my sleep they come back and haunt me.

Pandora-like, I cling to the trace of hope flittering inside

And watch the faint flap of its wings as it circles around

My head and all the conflicting nonsense within my skull.

Dd

“Battle the patriarch, battle for equal rights, battle back your liberty, battle back the long night, battle the conservative, battle for your, battle the homophobe, but battle without war.”

The sparrow sings when it realises

That every bird is caged,

Every wing is clipped,

Every soul is lost.

We cannot know.

Adulthood is acknowledging the enigma.

We fight, we fight because without a fight

We are nothing.

And when we have fought we will anchor

Ourselves and

Sleep.

Red Hair

N.B. The purpose of this article isn't to objectify red hair or red-headed women. Rather, it explores my own interest in red hair and its cultural presentation. I reassure you that I think all hair colours are beautiful in their own way. :)

Having been told by my hairdresser that it is not possible to dye my dark brown hair red, on the basis that it is very thick and would need bleaching first, I have become even more obsessed with the colour because of its unattainability! Sadly I shall always have to admire red hair from afar.

Here's the closest I'm going to get... and I look like Offred from The Handmaid's Tale with lipstick:

Red hair has always generated fascination, and unfortunately ridicule, which means that I am not alone in my interest. Pre-Raphaelite paintings are a great place to start when investigating the timeless appeal of the hair colour. (N.B. I know very little about art history). In Victorian England, red hair still carried much of the old medieval stigma and was not generally thought of as beautiful. Elizabeth Siddal, a young woman born in 1829 into a humble background, became a mould-breaking model and muse for the painters after she was spotted in her early twenties by artist Walter Deverell. Lizzie, as she was known, looked more like a modern-day runway model than the small, curvaceous Victorian ideal. Her striking face and luminous red hair are timelessly captured in many a pre-Raphaelite painting, most famously John Everett Millais' Ophelia. With tragic irony, Siddal's own life ended in suicide; her poor health and depression culminated in her overdose one year after the birth of her stillborn child. Despite her unhappy life, Siddal made an incredible impact on art and she is immortalised in many iconic paintings.

Culture in the 20th Century was not devoid of red-heads. One of my favourite childhood novels was the 1908 Anne of Green Gables. I identified with the protagonist, but of course I have never had a head of hair that could be ridiculed with the word "carrot." Interestingly, Anne was preoccupied with melodrama and Tennyson's The Lady of Shallot, providing a link with the pre-Raphaelites. Red-haired women graced our screens and celebrity magazines, from Judy Garland's Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (1939), to wartime starlet Greer Garson, to Paul McCartney's actress girlfriend Jane Asher in the 1960s. In the late 20th century, screen sirens such as Kate Winslet and Nicole Kidman gave red hair a new, "sexy" lease of life. Of course, everyone from my generation understands the significance of the Weasley family in the Harry Potter series.

Recently, red hair has become very fashionable. I saw a promotion in a magazine recently for an auburn hair-dye, with a worrying tagline about keeping up with the new trend. Never one to like following the crowd, I find this mildly irritating. I believe that people should wear what they like, not what they are told to wear, and that the same goes for hair colour. For goodness sake, how can a hair colour be in fashion? It's totally ridiculous, although I hope this triumph of fiery hair and pale skin means that people recognise they live in the United Kingdom and not Ibiza, and thus there will be a reduction in the amount of fake tans. Hmm. Perhaps not. Anyway, I digress. The lining to this silver cloud of fashion is that there are more auburn locks around, and hopefully there will be a reduction in prejudice against red-headed people; please ban the word "ginger."

I shall leave you with some examples of modern-day red-headed people!

Exactly How I Make My Cupcakes

Many of my friends have asked me what I put in my earl grey cakes to make them so tasty. Well, fortunately it requires no talent or skill, and it's not really anything to do with me, but with the equipment and ingredients I use that make the cakes come out well.

This post is for the purposes of clarifying the little things that turn the cakes from being good to very delicious.

Step One: (Pre-heat oven to 160/180) Heat the milk until it starts to boil, then infuse 4 earl grey teabags in a cup with cling-film or foil over the top for 30 mins.

With this step, I make sure I heat the milk on the stove: do not microwave it! Make sure you use good quality earl grey because it tends to be stronger, meaning your cakes will have more flavour. In fact, my best earl grey cakes are made with leaf tea: I put four teaspoons of strong leaf earl grey into the milk, and then after thirty minutes I use a sieve to get rid of the tea leaves. Teabags work fine though, as long as you don't get impatient (you must leave it for thirty minutes), and give them a good squeeze at the end. The darker and more fragrant your infusion, the better your cakes will be.

Step Two: Put 110g of butter (room temperature) and 225g sugar (granulated) into a mixing bowl and beat for three to five minutes until pale and smooth.

It is absolutely essential that the ingredients are at room temperature. I find the best way of preparing this is to get out your ingredients when you heat your milk, which means they have thirty minutes to get to room temp. Your butter must be really soft, the softer the better without it being melted. When you mix the butter and sugar, use an electric hand-whisk, so you have control over the mixture and ensure it gets a thorough mixing. You must keep going until the mixture is pale and smooth. Remember, the more you mix the cake mixture, the lighter the cakes will be.

Step Three: Add two eggs, one at a time, mixing between. Add 1/2 teaspoon almond extract (optional).

Add one egg, mix, add another egg, mix. Keep mixing, mixing, mixing. Choosing to put the almond extract in is risky: it is incredibly strong and even 1/2 teaspoon, tiny as it sounds, will transform the taste of your cakes. If you slip over that amount, you will mask the taste of the earl grey. Personally, I've used almond extract in my cakes once and I prefer it without; recently I've taken to adding a splash of vanilla essence which works marvellously. If you love almond it does taste good in earl grey cakes, but remember that it is the bergamot flavour that gives these cakes their deliciousness. So don't overdo it!

Step Four: Add 1/3 of the flour, and 1/3 of the earl grey-milk and beat. Repeat until all used up.

I follow this instruction religiously, because I genuinely believe it makes your cakes lighter and tastier than doing it all at once. Get a third of your flour, sieve it (you MUST sieve it) into the mixture, and then pour in a third of your milk. Grab a wooden spoon and stir all the flour in, because if you whisk it immediately the flour will fly up in your face. Once it's stirred in, mix it with your hand-whisk. Then put the next third of flour and earl grey mix, stir with a spoon, mix with your hand-whisk. The final time you do it, make sure you spend ages mixing at the end.

Step Five: Divide mixture into twelve muffin-sized cases and bake!

This doesn't really need any explanation!

ICING

I have taken to completely making this up. I whack a blob of softened butter into a mixing bowl, whisk it, and keep adding icing sugar to it until it becomes really thick and naturally falls into peaks. I usually do lilac icing as it complements the daintiness of the earl grey flavour; I mix a little blue and red food colouring to achieve this. Then I use a butter knife to spread the icing onto the cakes (when they are completely cooled), making sure that it falls into a natural swirl. I top it off with little silver balls or icing flowers.

Hope this is helpful!

J xxx

p.s. Disclaimer: Recipe adapted from the original recipe from Cupcakes from the Primrose Bakery.